I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
