guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
