Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
