I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
