You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I forget how to act sober
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