He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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