He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
