Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
