I wannas sexs uuuuu
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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