So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
