Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
