i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We just shotgunned beers for America
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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