Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
