He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize