I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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