Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
