it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
