I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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