At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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