my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
