I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
