i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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