do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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