How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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