Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
