have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
