Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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