So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize