my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
