i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
