mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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