You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
