i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Randomize
