I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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