What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
