Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
