oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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