i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
