And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't turn off my feet"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
