I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
