on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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