i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
