Can i not drive my cunt home
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
