I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this boner is exhausting
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
