So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
