I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
