if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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