Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
