Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's never too late to be topless.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
