I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
