i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
