We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
