I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's blow job season.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
