If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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