jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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