guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
