yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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