We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
