Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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