i barfeds in our rink
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
