I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
