Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
