She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize