Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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