Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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