i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
