upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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