I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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