You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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