if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
