My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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