Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
