Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
