stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
