For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
