In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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