i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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