Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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