he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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