my mouth tastes like poor choices
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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