I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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