I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
