she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
