So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
