she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize