Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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