worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
