And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
