I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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