$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize