I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
