This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
