All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
