I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I use my feet as sexual weapons
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
