Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
