You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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