OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
