I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
