stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
