Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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