i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
