I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
