I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
