Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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