She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
